De Amerikaanse presidentsverkiezingen 2004
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vrijdag, september 24, 2004
"We begin tonight with a simple, indisputable fact: as a young man, President George W. Bush benefited from family connections to get a place in the Texas Air National Guard, thus avoiding service in Vietnam. As you would guess, this has led to calls for the resignation of Dan Rather." --Jon Stewart
"President Bush addressed the United Nations General Assembly, defending the invasion of Iraq and promising that America will spend more on foreign aid. Bush opened the speech by saying, 'Every country gets a free car! Zimbabwe gets a car! Argentina gets a free car! Poland gets a free car!"' --Drew Carey "The President opened by declaring a victory in the 'War on Rather.'" --Drew Carey "Bush pointed to positive signs in Iraq, like how the economy is taking off, thanks to a booming car bomb business." --Drew Carey "I'm sure you’ve all heard about the troubles at CBS, which stands for Can't Back Story, by the way." --Jay Leno "At his big press conference, John Kerry introduced his four-point plan for Iraq. That was one point for each of his positions." --Jay Leno "In politics, the candidates keep making new demands for the debates. Hey, how about two new candidates and no debates?" --Drew Carey "They say John Kerry has already begun preparing for the debates. He's thinking of starting off by having his wife buy everyone in the audience a new car." --Jay Leno "The vice presidential candidates will debate for 90 minutes, those are the guidelines. ... They'll debate for 90 minutes or until someone's heart gives out." --David Letterman "Even though President Bush is leading in the polls, they say John Kerry's greatest strength is that, when he's under pressure, he can turn things around. No kidding. Sometimes he does it in the same sentence." --Jay Leno "It's been reported that in his recent speeches, John Kerry has been talking about religion and God. Apparently, Kerry keeps saying, 'Oh my God, I'm going to lose!'" --Conan O'Brien
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